


Falling Without Style

by YellowCrayon



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alcohol, Fallen Aziraphale, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 04:17:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17697500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YellowCrayon/pseuds/YellowCrayon
Summary: We all have things we've regretted doing while drinking. For Aziraphale, Falling was one of them. Also known as: what the fuck did I do last night.





	Falling Without Style

In the olden days, Fallen angels were quite a spectacle to behold. You know, giving Heaven the finger. Shouting obscenities at the Lord. Literally Falling from Heaven in a ball of flames. Of course, this wasn’t the process for every Fallen angel [1], but Falling _was_ pretty much a big deal back then. Not to say that it isn’t a big deal now, but there is much less fanfare.

Nowadays, Heaven says ‘to Hell with that’ and has moved on to a more practical procedure, one that involves mountains of paperwork. One unforeseen consequence was that it was an absolute bitch for Hell _and_ Heaven to complete both sides of the paperwork. In all honesty, it would have been an easier process for everyone involved had Heaven stuck to the old way. Unfortunately, Heaven had apparently decided in a few centuries’ time that no fun was allowed.

Angels who purposefully choose to Fall must submit a form of resignation at least two to three business days in advance, complete with an evaluation form rating their old job in Heaven. These angels must also fill out pages upon pages related to logistics, management, and documentation pertaining to all they had contributed to Goodness [2]. In realizing how many forms they had to fill out, several angels sheepishly realized they did not want to Fall at all, but continued on anyway to avoid embarrassment. There wasn’t much excitement to the act anymore when Heaven had taken away all feelings of rebellion and adrenaline that came with it.

However, not all angels _choose_ to Fall. Some are fired from their positions for their incompetence or blasphemous behavior. Such angels will receive a nicely written letter informing them of their change in employment, followed by a package of paperwork at least as thick as the Bible. These two parcels of mail had just been delivered to Aziraphale’s bookshop on a lovely day in June.

Aziraphale found a small sense of excitement in picking up the mail every day. Perhaps it was a leftover emotion from exchanging letters with Crowley before technology was a thing, but nonetheless he always felt like a nice surprise awaited him. Ever since he had learned how to use a computer, Aziraphale had taken to bidding on rare books on the internet. He was now able to acquire books at a faster rate than ever before. When opening packages with books, the same wave of euphoria washed over him every time. Aziraphale’s excitement over mail extended to letters, too. Even if it was those pesky electric bills, there was always pleasure in opening up the envelope and seeing what was inside.

\---

[1] Take Crowley, for instance. While he did not have it in him to shout profanities at God and take a nosedive from Heaven, he did eventually Fall. But instead of immediately exploding into flames (metaphorical or otherwise), he more so became gradually lukewarm. 

[2] Some say that the paperwork in itself was created as a punishment for Fallen angels. Demons in Hell have grumbled that whoever invented this system would be perfect for their ranks.

\---

Today, he had just two things waiting for him: a simple yet elegant letter, and a plain old package. Shoving the letter into his pocket and tucking the package under his arm, he gleefully made his way inside the shop.

Aziraphale set the package on the counter. Curiously, he flipped over the letter in his hand and let out a small groan upon seeing who the sender was. Well, that would have to wait. He had a package to open!

Aziraphale went behind the counter and opened a drawer, shuffling the contents around until he found a utility knife. He took it out and started to cut the tape off the package with it. Frustrated with his inability to remove the tape, he finally miracled it away and excitedly opened up the flaps to see…

A boring stack of white, pristine papers.

Not just any papers. Forms of some kind.

Frowning, he took a closer look. These must be from Heaven, he decided. The lines and boxes he was supposed to fill out could only pertain to an angel. If he had to fill out all this paperwork, then he must have a new assignment.

With a sigh, he grabbed the envelope and ripped open the edge, not even bothering to keep it in good condition. Aziraphale slid out the letter from the envelope and, unfolding it, began to read its contents. _It is with sincere regret that I must inform you of your immediate termination from your position_ …

Complete and utter dread washed over him in a wave of heat.

Aziraphale’s hand shook as he read the letter in his hand. No, no, no. He didn’t _mean_ to Fall. This wasn’t _possible_. Surely, Heaven had gotten the wrong angel?

As he finished reading the letter he leaned on the counter, pressing his hand against his forehead then raking it through his hair. He read the letter again. Then again. Then he looked at the stack of paperwork, then back to the letter, and realized that this was all a bit too real for him.

Aziraphale didn’t understand. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Why, just yesterday, he and Crowley were at a fancy event at a museum, bored out of their minds. Aziraphale had been tasked by Heaven to do something of importance, but Crowley had insisted that one drink wouldn’t hurt, and soon enough one drink turned into many. Aziraphale had woken up the next morning feeling extremely hungover, but he promptly miracled it away. He didn’t really remember what happened, but now that he thought about it, it was important that he remember.

Aziraphale scowled. What _did_ happen?

Five rapid knocks shook him out of his thoughts. “ _Aziraphale!_ ” A muffled voice came from the other side of the entrance door. A face pressed into the glass and, upon seeing that there was someone inside, the person magically opened the door and stepped into the shop. “Aziraphale, thank G— thank —oh forget it, I’m glad to see you here. Are you alright? I do hope you are.” Crowley began to walk over to the counter.

“Er, yes, I’m doing wonderfully!” Aziraphale said in a high-pitched voice. He grabbed some books he had set to the side and quickly placed them onto the counter, making sure that they obscured the letter and the packet of papers.

Standing a small distance from Aziraphale, Crowley adjusted his sunglasses with a hand then crossed his arms. “No, really. Are you fine?”

Aziraphale had a gnawing fear that something _wasn’t_ fine. Of course, nothing was fine, especially not now, but…

“Crowley. Did something happen last night?”

Crowley almost grimaced. “Do you mean to tell me you don’t remember?”

“No,” admitted Aziraphale, embarrassed.

“Alright. Well!” He gave a nervous laugh. “You know how we went to the museum last night for an event, right? We got really drunk and…do you really want to know?”

"Please just get this over with.”

“Right. Well. Remember how you’ve been complaining to me recently about the stuff Heaven is making you do?” Aziraphale’s heart started racing. “After a certain number of drinks, you just started ranting about how incompetent the people Up There are. Obviously, I thought this was hilarious. After a while I felt like something was wrong and tried to shut you up, but you just wouldn’t stop talking. There were plenty of drunk people at that party, so you didn’t stick out _too_ much, but you were really something else.” He paused. “Also, you... _might_ have pointed at a painting of Gabriel and said…Er… ‘fuck Gabriel,’ if I remember correctly. You know, in front of some other angels.”

“You mean there were _other angels at the event_?”

“Angel, you told me this! That this was some expensive-looking party several angels were supposed to keep an eye on, and that I could come so long as I kept my distance!” Aziraphale opened his mouth to speak, but Crowley continued. “I mean. I didn’t think a drink would hurt, but obviously it did!”

Aziraphale pinched the bridge of his nose.

“And, also. Uh.” Crowley blushed.

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you _mean_ , nothing?”

“Nothing, forget about it.”

“No, I don’t want you to ‘forget about it,’ tell me!”

“Aziraphale, look!” He put a hand to his temple, head turned to the side. Crowley took off his sunglasses and sighed, clipping them onto his shirt. “I’m worried about you. Especially after last night. I know you’ve been harboring these feelings for a while, but still, the way you act worries me. I just want to know if everything is really fine.”

Aziraphale knew Crowley was still avoiding a particular topic, but brushed it aside for now. He put it bluntly: “Nothing is fine, dear. Thank you for checking up on me but I just…” He paused, not knowing what to say. “Heaven is kicking me out, Crowley. Heaven is going to fire me and I don’t know what to _do_.”

“Oh.” Crowley’s face immediately softened, and he took a step closer to Aziraphale. “Oh, angel…”

“They’re going to fire me pretty soon and…And I have to fill out all this _shitty_ paperwork, because of course Heaven would throw unnecessary work on my back even after the fact that they don’t want me anymore, and I don’t know what to make of it! I’m going to lose everything and it’s pretty much my own fault.”

It was no use. No matter what he did, not matter how much he backtracked, Aziraphale knew they wouldn’t take him back. They _might_ just give him another chance if he kissed up to them all he could, but what was the point? Heaven wasn’t all that great anyway. Why would he want to stay there and seem all stuffy and perfect if he was only going to suffer inside? He had to make a choice, and he had to make it now. If he stayed with Heaven, then he would never be able to have it all.

Aziraphale threw up his hands. “Oh, fuck it!” [3] Striding over to Crowley, he grabbed him on the sides of his head and pulled him in for a kiss square on the lips, so full of passion that Crowley was startled out of one reality and into another, a reality in which Aziraphale and Crowley could bask in all their love together. His eyebrows had shot up in surprise but he slowly melted into the kiss. Crowley threw his arms around Aziraphale’s back, enveloping him in his embrace.

In that moment, Aziraphale completely and utterly Fell for Crowley.

He Fell, and in the old-fashioned way, too. Not out of anyone’s volition but his own. The kiss, a physical action in defiance of Above. Warmth bubbled within him, and his heart was set aflame with love.

Slowly, they each pulled away then looked the other in the eye. Crowley knew.

“Is this what you wanted, Aziraphale?”

Aziraphale hadn’t quite caught the last word Crowley used, but grinned anyway. “If I have to be tempted by you, so be it.” And they kissed again.

Finally, Aziraphale pulled himself away and faced Crowley.

“I think…we should talk.”

The Fall. Crowley had felt it, too.

“Yes, I rather think we should”

\-- 

[3] Did Falling make an angel more susceptible to swearing? Some say it did. Some say that angels already had the potential in them all along, and that Falling made them like middle schoolers suddenly empowered by a lack of adult supervision.

***

“I’m really sorry this had to happen to you, angel.”

“No, it’s quite alright. It’s not your fault” Aziraphale sighed. They were sitting together on a couch in the back of the store. “I mean, before this I had _already_ gone against Heaven’s direct orders. What with the apocalypse-that-never-was and all that. My superiors didn’t want to say it, but they knew that I was partially responsible. And that you were, too.” He paused to look at Crowley. “I think my superiors were stunned to realize how close to each other we actually were. In all honesty, what I did last night might have just been an excuse to fire me for all the things I already did.” He gave a nervous laugh. “Although, I’m trying to remember if…” Aziraphale sat in silence for a moment, then frowned. “I…I can’t seem to find the words for it. I can’t remember.” He stared at the wall, then, panicked, back to Crowley. “Crowley, I don’t remember. I don’t remember my name.”

Icy heat spread down Crowley’s back in a feeling that was all too familiar.

“Angel…” He moved over to envelop Aziraphale in a soft hug.

“I don’t remember.”

Silence.

“Would you like me to tell you?”

He thought about it. Aziraphale put a hand on Crowley’s thigh. “No…I don’t think I do. Not for now, at least. I don’t want you to tell me. Although…I am going to need a new name, aren’t I?”

Crowley nodded. “You certainly do.”

The nameless angel pondered for a bit. “Well. Could you help name me?”

Crowley smiled at him. “Of course, angel.”

***

“You want to know what else you did at the party?”

Zira groaned. “Oh, fine. Just go ahead and say it.” He could tell this had been bothering Crowley since their conversation the other night ago.

Crowley took a breath. “Zira, you tried to kiss me. In front of all the other angels.”

Zira froze, not expecting Crowley to say such a thing. “I…kissed you?”

“Not quite, but almost.” Crowley looked up nervously. “I mean. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to stick around near you, but you confessed to me Zira. And everyone saw.”

Zira broke out into a big smile. Of _course_ this would be one of the idiotic things that made him Fall. “I mean. I guess I had to come out with it eventually, didn’t I? I just didn’t imagine it would be like that.”

“Yeah, not exactly my dream confession either. You should have seen yourself. ‘ _Oh Crowleyyy! Crowley come here!’_ ”

Zira’s face flushed red.

“At least that entire spectacle is over,” Crowley muttered.

“Well, not exactly.” Zira picked up a pen and, looking at Crowley, pointed to him with it. “You’re going to have to help me fill out all this paperwork.”

Crowley laughed, moving over to where Zira was sitting at the table. “I suppose I am.” He kissed him on the head, and looked at the mountain of paper from behind Zira’s shoulder. “This is going to take a while…”


End file.
